no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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