After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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