he puts the penis in happiness.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
