On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
