hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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