Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
