honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
