do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
