Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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