my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize