I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
