dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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