What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
