i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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