remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
