The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
