Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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