Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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