wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
