I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dear god my vagina.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
