I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
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