Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
