So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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