:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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