p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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