I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
