he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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