All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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