She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
my poor anus
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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