Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dear god my vagina.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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