I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
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we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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