I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
