Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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