you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
