Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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