So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
