you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
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When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
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I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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