I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
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You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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