we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
