I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
