our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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