the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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