All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How does one acquire holy water?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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