Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
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so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
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Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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