were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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