i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
