but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
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He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
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How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
this is an emotional support booty call
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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