He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
