That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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