Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
