I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
