Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
