You made me cry and you don't even care
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
