you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
