she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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