So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
