get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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