So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
