I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
