The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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