I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
